Saturday, November 22, 2014

He is the epitome of amazing

He is the epitome of amazing
I could spend hours in his arms
His kisses make the world halt and my heart race.
He sends me to space with just a simple touch
His infectious laugh gives my tummy giggle cramps
He is the epitome of amazing

He is the epitome of amazing
My great beam of support when the heavens are grey and my world is upside down
His love makes me come alive like Diwali lights in the sky
I'm never small or worthless in his eyes because he sees me for the queen I am
He is the epitome of amazing

He is the epitome of amazing
He colours me in and fills my blanks.
He gives me butterflies in my everything
Sky high. He takes me to cloud million and let's loose with me.
Keeps me cool.
He is the epitome of amazing

He is the epitome of amazing
Always reminds me to Stay Blak
To stay true to my art,my calling
His generous heart and helping hands continue to build and connect many
Talented man. I am in awe of his skills and the beauty his mind creates
He is the epitome of amazing

He is the epitome of amazing
He is mine, all mine. Even when he's sleeping.
His heart's home is me and mine is him. I'm never lost.
He is my King and I am ever faithful to him
My one
He is the epitome of amazing.

Friday, November 21, 2014

Friends

Can you see beyond the façade?
The theatrical smiles put on for neighbourly faces
The fake laughs we share even though we can see the hate dripping.
Everyday we continue to "love" each other "so much."
We are disgustingly unreal!
Puppets in the house of fables.
We tell tall tales about people we supposedly know nothing about but we dare to say are close to us.
We are hypocrites
We laugh at each others hurt and vehemently curse any success other than our own
Who are we?
We are friends.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Running - Vee Makaba

I'm running.
I'm fat, I'm slow, I'm hurt but I'm running.
My feet won't stop moving.
They keep on going regardless of how the rest of me feels.

The shadow is big
The shadow is bad.
The shadow steals the light from inside me.
It cripples me with its darkness and fills me with sadness.
I'm running from the shadow.

Some days running from the shadow is easy.
Days like today the running is hard.
The shadow is faster than I expect.
Hot on my heels, it's sucking the life out of me.

All my life I've been running from the shadow
It's all I know.
I'm scared of the shadow but I'm so tired of running.
I don't know what to do
But I can't stop now
The shadow is right behind me.

I'm running.
For my life
I'm running
From the big bad shadow

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Homeless

Twice my homelessness has been declared to me
Twice my dreams have been killed
A true nomad I float from place to place
Searching for a place to rest my weary heart and head.

Woe is me, she who does not have a place of belonging
She who has no home
All alone I hear the wind howling my name
Feather-footed. I go where it goes

Who am I in this life?
Can my purpose be revealed to me?
Where is my home in this life?
Because here I am, lost with nowhere to go

I call on God to save me
My words muffled by tears of sorrow
I beg him to take me to my home in the skies
That I may not be homeless tomorrow

Friday, July 11, 2014

I am for a reason

I am for a reason.
My duty on this planet, in this life is to be fulfilled the way the Universe sees fit.

I am for a reason.
My purpose in this life will touch someone so much that it will be deemed a radical experience.

I am for a reason.
The words from my lips that come bursting from my heart may not change the world but they will change a life, and one life is more than enough.

I am for a reason.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Forbidden - Vee Makaba

Forbidden,
You came to me.
Slithering smooth and hissing seductively.
You captured me with your "hello" and your words had me cuffed and ready.
You had my pores open and my feet tingling and my coochie raining and my mind exploding.
What is it you do to me?
Everytime your touch leavea me,my body yearns for more.
Like a moth to flame, though I try to escape- I simply can't stay away

Forbidden,
Even though she knows about us, we still steal moments together.
You'll never belong to me but you're mine now
You know your bed lies in the house far away where I'll never belong
Where do you come from, with that Eden-fruited charm and why do you seek me?
Why are my clothes on the floor
Why am I lying spread-eagled beneath you?

Forbidden,
You're so good but so bad
You have me bewitched. Enchanted. Hexed.
There mere call of your pipe and I answer. I follow. I obey. I honour
I, your cobra, dance to your tune alone. For you are my charmer.
Your tune
Stolen. Sinful. Delicious

Dear Love

Dear Love

Put your guard down, I come in peace.

I owe you an apology. A BIG one. An ENORMOUS one. I could go on but I wouldn't want you to get a big head.

Sometimes romance can be misinterpreted and misinterpretations often lead to good people doing bad things. Crazy things. Evil things. One finds themselves doing and saying all sorts of shit in your name -which is unfair, I know- and you have no control over that. I was one such person. I got caught up in what I thought was you, I couldn't see the grave I was digging myself. I was deep within that drama. Situations had me thinking you turned your back on me and so I, in anger, turned mine on you. I was so foolish bit you already know what you do to fools...

I am sorry Love. I'm so sorry I let someone, who used your name in vain, turn me into a you-hating monster. You're no devil. I mean, you're not perfect but you try...ok, I take that back. You are perfect. We're the ones that fuck shit up- for you and ourselves. I'm sorry I stopped believing in you, especially after everything you and I have been through.

"You've been my inspiration. Through the lies you were the truth. My world is a better place because of you". Celine wrote those lyrics for her man but I feel like they're the perfect tribute to you. The truth is that so many things in this world were inspired by you. All the songs, symbols and colours we have only for you. The Taj Mahal for goodness' sake! Inspired by you. You truly make the world go round- and I'm not just saying that, I mean it. You're so amazing

Ok, so here's the thing. As much as this is an apology, it's also a request. How about you take it easy on me for a bit? You know, focus on other people. I'm not kicking you out of my life or asking for desertion, I'm just saying we should take a break. I need to chill hey. This thing of constantly walking in and out of relationships has me all kinds of tired. Even my feet are sore. I just want it to be me for a while, you know, Jazz Solo. Remember how bad it was last time? I'm not ready for that again. I don't want to take the Red Pill. Not this time. I'm not ready for The Matrix. I just want that Blue Pill life. Some Vee-time. I promise I won't let the loneliness lead me astray. I promise I won't end up doing things (or people) I'll regret. And hey, maybe this break from the romantic side of you will be good for us. We can concentrate on other things, like the you I have for my family, friends, me, life, etc. NO ROMANCE!

We're cool now. You and I. No hard feelings. You go on and take care of your other kids, I've got me from here. If (and when) I need you, I'll call.

XOXO
Vee JazzyVixen Makaba

Friday, February 7, 2014

Love is a losing game

"Time heals all wounds". Poor Time. Constantly having to heal wounds he had nothing to do with. What a tough job that must be. You lose your dad; Time heals the wound, your boyfriend dumps you; time heals the wound, you fail your exam, time heals the wound. Who heals Time's wounds? I'd really like to know so that I can go to the direct source for some healing. No offence but I think it's time I gave Time a break. I've been patiently waiting for this hurt to end so that I can move on but fuckall. Does Time have partners? Can someone else deal with my wound because Time simply isn't cutting it. Not meeting my standards as a customer. I mean, Time is providing me a service that I'm not benefiting from. Sorry Time but maybe someone else needs to heal all our wounds. You've been in the industry too long now.

Talking about healing wounds, I picked a scab on my leg today. I regret doing that. It hurts like shit now and the wound is bleeding (And no, Time is not allowed to tend to that wound. I'm seeking assistance elsewhere). The scab was itchy, I scratched then I proceeded to pick and prod til it came off. Love songs and I have something in common. We pick at things that should be left alone. I don't know why I couldn't listen to angry alternative music or something. No, I had to show myself shit in life and listen to the most heart-wrenching, tear-jerking love songs. Fuck my life! Usher's "Climax" just sent me over the edge. ♪You say it's better if we love each other separately. I just need you one more time. I can't keep what we had off my mind♫. Yesses. I think after I heard that part of the song, the scabs on my heart came off and the feelings came rushing back, the hurt doubled and I was sommer depressed. Like lank depressed. I still hate myself for putting myself in this situation. I was doing so well. It's like he was singing on my behalf. Like he could feel my pain, my longing.

I'll admit. I'm all kinds of fucked up. I have never been this unhappy before. I'm forever crying. I swear I owe my tearducts a lot of overtime pay. It's bad. Waking up in the middle of the night just to cry, crying in the taxi on my way home, crying while watching tv. I just cry. It's so disgusting. And it's not like I sob softly like Brooke from The Bold and the Beautiful (she's mastered the one tear sob), no I wail like I'm starring in a Nollywood movie. I wail like those over the top funeral guests. You know them. The ones who cry louder than the people in mourning. The ones who even throw themselves on the ground and roll around in the dust. Ja, I wail like that, minus the rolling. It's bad.

Time needs to explain why this break up hurts so bad. And if I'm not happy with the response, I'm going to complain on Hello Peter. I've tried asking other people but their answers are horrible. "It hurts coz you love him". I could've told them that. I want a proper explanation. I mean, there must be a scientific reason why this specific break up hurts more than the others. I need numbers and formulae to help me understand why I'm in this emotional rut. Someone wake up Einstein. I can tell you right now that the answer isn't inside the bottle. The empty bottles next to my bed are proof. And believe me when I tell you I searched long and hard. So the next best option: Science. If they can tell us how old Earth is, they can definitely tell me what I want to know.

"You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.". Trust me to take the red pill and regret it the next day when I'm knee-deep in Wonderland shit. I should've taken the blue pill. I shouldn't have entered that relationship. Should've stuck to what I know. Instead, me and my thing-liking ways, I took the damn red pill and look where I am now. I hate everything. I hate people. I hate relationships. I hate love. You ask yourself "how can she hate love?" Well I do. I abhor love and I abhor him. I'm in a deep dark hole filled with hatred for all things related to love and relationships. One man ruined it for me and everyone else. Wonderland is a dream sold to the most gullible of fools. I fell for the trap. I was used and then tossed like last week's garbage. Not even a goodbye. I was just cut off. I've never felt so ugly and useless before. I should've taken the blue pill. A year of being treated like shit! I shoud've taken that blue pill but I didn't and now I'm never going to be the same.

If I heal from this, I doubt I'll ever go back to being the Vee I was in 2012. She was in an amazing space. I'm a shell of myself. I feel like Amy Winehouse (minus the drugs and weightloss). She was so awesome then she hit rock bottom and died. I hope I don't die though. As hurt and angry as I am, I'm not ready to die. Well, I don't think I am. I wish I could bring her back, just to let her know that she isn't alone and that I'm hurting with her but alas, she's gone and I'm all alone. 2012 Vee will never know how much I miss her. Fuck!

"For you I was a flame. Love is a losing game. Five storey fire as you came. Love is a losing game. One I wish I never played. Oh what a mess we made. And now the final frame. LOVE IS A LOSING GAME"

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Hello 2014

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

So last year  I went through a lot of ups and downs. Like a lot. I tied up some ends and some ends came apart. I opened some doors and some closed on me. I gained some people and lost some. Got a job, lost it and by some grace, I got another. Anywho, my point is that experiences were gained in 2013, whether I wanted to gain them or not.

2014. This year is all about The Journey of Vee. Finding myself again. I'm on a journey of self-discovery because believe it or not, I really don't know who I am anymore. I lost myself to a toxic relationship and lifestyle. I no longer have the same outlook on life as I did before. I'm somewhat tainted. Dark. I can tell you now that I'm very, very unhappy but I can also tell you that I don't plan on being unhappy for long. Boom Shaka's "Free" is my new #DamnJam.

Weird as it feels to say this, I'm actually happy that I'm sad. I see you giving me that look, lemme explain what I mean. Had it not been for the terrible year I had, I wouldn't have known that I'm all lost and shit. I wouldn't have discovered that there were serious issues that I had to address and I wouldn't have known that I was drowning in my own insecurities and putting myself in situations that were doing nothing but killing me slowly. I like calling 2013 "The Year of the Bloody Screaming Revelations". SO MUCH WAS REVEALED! I was tested and, I hate to admit it, I failed. But failure isn't the end, right? Right. That is why I am embarking on this journey of discovery and recovery. Healing my terrible wounds, learing to love myself again, remembering what being happy feels like and most importantly doing things for ME and putting myself first.

NO MORE DRAKING!! I have entered The Draking Recovery and Rehabilitation Programme. I cannot stand my complaining anymore. The Mr has moved on without me. He's busy being happy, living his life with his biscuit while I do nothing but mope over him. Yesses, I'm done crying over him shem. I will not lie and say I am not hurt by what happened, I am. I am still quite hurt. I still love him but I love myself more. He treated me badly and I stayed. He ridiculed me and still I stayed. He made me hate myself and question my beauty, my body, my worth, my love and I STILL stayed. Whoo hai, NO MORE SHEM! I've been waiting to exhale. This is my moment. I'm on my Stella now, my groove is somewhere out there waiting for me. My family and friends have been waiting for me to leave him. They're probably gonna throw a concert or some shit. Haha. Their support has helped me through this. I want to thank them for being there. They saw the cracks, they saw me break, they saw me die and watched me come back to life. Thick and thin. I love them with my heart and soul. I am truly blessed.

2014 is MY YEAR OF GREATNESS! I am going to be the best Vee I can be. I am gonna have so much fun. I plan on doing so much. You just watch this space. I don't have a masterplan or blueprint but I have an idea and a brick. I'll keep building as I go and grow.

I hope this year brings you all a lot of things but most of all, I hope it's a year filled with love. The Beatles weren't bullshitting us when they sang "All you need is love". Be blessed.


Remember 2014. 20-4-ME. The Year of Greatness.