Forbidden,
You came to me.
Slithering smooth and hissing seductively.
You captured me with your "hello" and your words had me cuffed and ready.
You had my pores open and my feet tingling and my coochie raining and my mind exploding.
What is it you do to me?
Everytime your touch leavea me,my body yearns for more.
Like a moth to flame, though I try to escape- I simply can't stay away
Forbidden,
Even though she knows about us, we still steal moments together.
You'll never belong to me but you're mine now
You know your bed lies in the house far away where I'll never belong
Where do you come from, with that Eden-fruited charm and why do you seek me?
Why are my clothes on the floor
Why am I lying spread-eagled beneath you?
Forbidden,
You're so good but so bad
You have me bewitched. Enchanted. Hexed.
There mere call of your pipe and I answer. I follow. I obey. I honour
I, your cobra, dance to your tune alone. For you are my charmer.
Your tune
Stolen. Sinful. Delicious
Monday, February 17, 2014
Dear Love
Dear Love
Put your guard down, I come in peace.
I owe you an apology. A BIG one. An ENORMOUS one. I could go on but I wouldn't want you to get a big head.
Sometimes romance can be misinterpreted and misinterpretations often lead to good people doing bad things. Crazy things. Evil things. One finds themselves doing and saying all sorts of shit in your name -which is unfair, I know- and you have no control over that. I was one such person. I got caught up in what I thought was you, I couldn't see the grave I was digging myself. I was deep within that drama. Situations had me thinking you turned your back on me and so I, in anger, turned mine on you. I was so foolish bit you already know what you do to fools...
I am sorry Love. I'm so sorry I let someone, who used your name in vain, turn me into a you-hating monster. You're no devil. I mean, you're not perfect but you try...ok, I take that back. You are perfect. We're the ones that fuck shit up- for you and ourselves. I'm sorry I stopped believing in you, especially after everything you and I have been through.
"You've been my inspiration. Through the lies you were the truth. My world is a better place because of you". Celine wrote those lyrics for her man but I feel like they're the perfect tribute to you. The truth is that so many things in this world were inspired by you. All the songs, symbols and colours we have only for you. The Taj Mahal for goodness' sake! Inspired by you. You truly make the world go round- and I'm not just saying that, I mean it. You're so amazing
Ok, so here's the thing. As much as this is an apology, it's also a request. How about you take it easy on me for a bit? You know, focus on other people. I'm not kicking you out of my life or asking for desertion, I'm just saying we should take a break. I need to chill hey. This thing of constantly walking in and out of relationships has me all kinds of tired. Even my feet are sore. I just want it to be me for a while, you know, Jazz Solo. Remember how bad it was last time? I'm not ready for that again. I don't want to take the Red Pill. Not this time. I'm not ready for The Matrix. I just want that Blue Pill life. Some Vee-time. I promise I won't let the loneliness lead me astray. I promise I won't end up doing things (or people) I'll regret. And hey, maybe this break from the romantic side of you will be good for us. We can concentrate on other things, like the you I have for my family, friends, me, life, etc. NO ROMANCE!
We're cool now. You and I. No hard feelings. You go on and take care of your other kids, I've got me from here. If (and when) I need you, I'll call.
XOXO
Vee JazzyVixen Makaba
Put your guard down, I come in peace.
I owe you an apology. A BIG one. An ENORMOUS one. I could go on but I wouldn't want you to get a big head.
Sometimes romance can be misinterpreted and misinterpretations often lead to good people doing bad things. Crazy things. Evil things. One finds themselves doing and saying all sorts of shit in your name -which is unfair, I know- and you have no control over that. I was one such person. I got caught up in what I thought was you, I couldn't see the grave I was digging myself. I was deep within that drama. Situations had me thinking you turned your back on me and so I, in anger, turned mine on you. I was so foolish bit you already know what you do to fools...
I am sorry Love. I'm so sorry I let someone, who used your name in vain, turn me into a you-hating monster. You're no devil. I mean, you're not perfect but you try...ok, I take that back. You are perfect. We're the ones that fuck shit up- for you and ourselves. I'm sorry I stopped believing in you, especially after everything you and I have been through.
"You've been my inspiration. Through the lies you were the truth. My world is a better place because of you". Celine wrote those lyrics for her man but I feel like they're the perfect tribute to you. The truth is that so many things in this world were inspired by you. All the songs, symbols and colours we have only for you. The Taj Mahal for goodness' sake! Inspired by you. You truly make the world go round- and I'm not just saying that, I mean it. You're so amazing
Ok, so here's the thing. As much as this is an apology, it's also a request. How about you take it easy on me for a bit? You know, focus on other people. I'm not kicking you out of my life or asking for desertion, I'm just saying we should take a break. I need to chill hey. This thing of constantly walking in and out of relationships has me all kinds of tired. Even my feet are sore. I just want it to be me for a while, you know, Jazz Solo. Remember how bad it was last time? I'm not ready for that again. I don't want to take the Red Pill. Not this time. I'm not ready for The Matrix. I just want that Blue Pill life. Some Vee-time. I promise I won't let the loneliness lead me astray. I promise I won't end up doing things (or people) I'll regret. And hey, maybe this break from the romantic side of you will be good for us. We can concentrate on other things, like the you I have for my family, friends, me, life, etc. NO ROMANCE!
We're cool now. You and I. No hard feelings. You go on and take care of your other kids, I've got me from here. If (and when) I need you, I'll call.
XOXO
Vee JazzyVixen Makaba
Friday, February 7, 2014
Love is a losing game
"Time heals all wounds". Poor Time. Constantly having to heal wounds he had nothing to do with. What a tough job that must be. You lose your dad; Time heals the wound, your boyfriend dumps you; time heals the wound, you fail your exam, time heals the wound. Who heals Time's wounds? I'd really like to know so that I can go to the direct source for some healing. No offence but I think it's time I gave Time a break. I've been patiently waiting for this hurt to end so that I can move on but fuckall. Does Time have partners? Can someone else deal with my wound because Time simply isn't cutting it. Not meeting my standards as a customer. I mean, Time is providing me a service that I'm not benefiting from. Sorry Time but maybe someone else needs to heal all our wounds. You've been in the industry too long now.
Talking about healing wounds, I picked a scab on my leg today. I regret doing that. It hurts like shit now and the wound is bleeding (And no, Time is not allowed to tend to that wound. I'm seeking assistance elsewhere). The scab was itchy, I scratched then I proceeded to pick and prod til it came off. Love songs and I have something in common. We pick at things that should be left alone. I don't know why I couldn't listen to angry alternative music or something. No, I had to show myself shit in life and listen to the most heart-wrenching, tear-jerking love songs. Fuck my life! Usher's "Climax" just sent me over the edge. ♪You say it's better if we love each other separately. I just need you one more time. I can't keep what we had off my mind♫. Yesses. I think after I heard that part of the song, the scabs on my heart came off and the feelings came rushing back, the hurt doubled and I was sommer depressed. Like lank depressed. I still hate myself for putting myself in this situation. I was doing so well. It's like he was singing on my behalf. Like he could feel my pain, my longing.
I'll admit. I'm all kinds of fucked up. I have never been this unhappy before. I'm forever crying. I swear I owe my tearducts a lot of overtime pay. It's bad. Waking up in the middle of the night just to cry, crying in the taxi on my way home, crying while watching tv. I just cry. It's so disgusting. And it's not like I sob softly like Brooke from The Bold and the Beautiful (she's mastered the one tear sob), no I wail like I'm starring in a Nollywood movie. I wail like those over the top funeral guests. You know them. The ones who cry louder than the people in mourning. The ones who even throw themselves on the ground and roll around in the dust. Ja, I wail like that, minus the rolling. It's bad.
Time needs to explain why this break up hurts so bad. And if I'm not happy with the response, I'm going to complain on Hello Peter. I've tried asking other people but their answers are horrible. "It hurts coz you love him". I could've told them that. I want a proper explanation. I mean, there must be a scientific reason why this specific break up hurts more than the others. I need numbers and formulae to help me understand why I'm in this emotional rut. Someone wake up Einstein. I can tell you right now that the answer isn't inside the bottle. The empty bottles next to my bed are proof. And believe me when I tell you I searched long and hard. So the next best option: Science. If they can tell us how old Earth is, they can definitely tell me what I want to know.
"You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.". Trust me to take the red pill and regret it the next day when I'm knee-deep in Wonderland shit. I should've taken the blue pill. I shouldn't have entered that relationship. Should've stuck to what I know. Instead, me and my thing-liking ways, I took the damn red pill and look where I am now. I hate everything. I hate people. I hate relationships. I hate love. You ask yourself "how can she hate love?" Well I do. I abhor love and I abhor him. I'm in a deep dark hole filled with hatred for all things related to love and relationships. One man ruined it for me and everyone else. Wonderland is a dream sold to the most gullible of fools. I fell for the trap. I was used and then tossed like last week's garbage. Not even a goodbye. I was just cut off. I've never felt so ugly and useless before. I should've taken the blue pill. A year of being treated like shit! I shoud've taken that blue pill but I didn't and now I'm never going to be the same.
If I heal from this, I doubt I'll ever go back to being the Vee I was in 2012. She was in an amazing space. I'm a shell of myself. I feel like Amy Winehouse (minus the drugs and weightloss). She was so awesome then she hit rock bottom and died. I hope I don't die though. As hurt and angry as I am, I'm not ready to die. Well, I don't think I am. I wish I could bring her back, just to let her know that she isn't alone and that I'm hurting with her but alas, she's gone and I'm all alone. 2012 Vee will never know how much I miss her. Fuck!
"For you I was a flame. Love is a losing game. Five storey fire as you came. Love is a losing game. One I wish I never played. Oh what a mess we made. And now the final frame. LOVE IS A LOSING GAME"
Talking about healing wounds, I picked a scab on my leg today. I regret doing that. It hurts like shit now and the wound is bleeding (And no, Time is not allowed to tend to that wound. I'm seeking assistance elsewhere). The scab was itchy, I scratched then I proceeded to pick and prod til it came off. Love songs and I have something in common. We pick at things that should be left alone. I don't know why I couldn't listen to angry alternative music or something. No, I had to show myself shit in life and listen to the most heart-wrenching, tear-jerking love songs. Fuck my life! Usher's "Climax" just sent me over the edge. ♪You say it's better if we love each other separately. I just need you one more time. I can't keep what we had off my mind♫. Yesses. I think after I heard that part of the song, the scabs on my heart came off and the feelings came rushing back, the hurt doubled and I was sommer depressed. Like lank depressed. I still hate myself for putting myself in this situation. I was doing so well. It's like he was singing on my behalf. Like he could feel my pain, my longing.
I'll admit. I'm all kinds of fucked up. I have never been this unhappy before. I'm forever crying. I swear I owe my tearducts a lot of overtime pay. It's bad. Waking up in the middle of the night just to cry, crying in the taxi on my way home, crying while watching tv. I just cry. It's so disgusting. And it's not like I sob softly like Brooke from The Bold and the Beautiful (she's mastered the one tear sob), no I wail like I'm starring in a Nollywood movie. I wail like those over the top funeral guests. You know them. The ones who cry louder than the people in mourning. The ones who even throw themselves on the ground and roll around in the dust. Ja, I wail like that, minus the rolling. It's bad.
Time needs to explain why this break up hurts so bad. And if I'm not happy with the response, I'm going to complain on Hello Peter. I've tried asking other people but their answers are horrible. "It hurts coz you love him". I could've told them that. I want a proper explanation. I mean, there must be a scientific reason why this specific break up hurts more than the others. I need numbers and formulae to help me understand why I'm in this emotional rut. Someone wake up Einstein. I can tell you right now that the answer isn't inside the bottle. The empty bottles next to my bed are proof. And believe me when I tell you I searched long and hard. So the next best option: Science. If they can tell us how old Earth is, they can definitely tell me what I want to know.
"You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.". Trust me to take the red pill and regret it the next day when I'm knee-deep in Wonderland shit. I should've taken the blue pill. I shouldn't have entered that relationship. Should've stuck to what I know. Instead, me and my thing-liking ways, I took the damn red pill and look where I am now. I hate everything. I hate people. I hate relationships. I hate love. You ask yourself "how can she hate love?" Well I do. I abhor love and I abhor him. I'm in a deep dark hole filled with hatred for all things related to love and relationships. One man ruined it for me and everyone else. Wonderland is a dream sold to the most gullible of fools. I fell for the trap. I was used and then tossed like last week's garbage. Not even a goodbye. I was just cut off. I've never felt so ugly and useless before. I should've taken the blue pill. A year of being treated like shit! I shoud've taken that blue pill but I didn't and now I'm never going to be the same.
If I heal from this, I doubt I'll ever go back to being the Vee I was in 2012. She was in an amazing space. I'm a shell of myself. I feel like Amy Winehouse (minus the drugs and weightloss). She was so awesome then she hit rock bottom and died. I hope I don't die though. As hurt and angry as I am, I'm not ready to die. Well, I don't think I am. I wish I could bring her back, just to let her know that she isn't alone and that I'm hurting with her but alas, she's gone and I'm all alone. 2012 Vee will never know how much I miss her. Fuck!
"For you I was a flame. Love is a losing game. Five storey fire as you came. Love is a losing game. One I wish I never played. Oh what a mess we made. And now the final frame. LOVE IS A LOSING GAME"
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